If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
