Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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