I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
