I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
