I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize