Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
