I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize