I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
