I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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