Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize