guys are not supposed to queef...right?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
