Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
