someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
