Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
