i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
