why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just had sex on a roof
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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