It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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