So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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