I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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