i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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