I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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