i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
