I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize