And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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