I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
