I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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