Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can't turn off my feet"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
