What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
