That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
