never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
