I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
