I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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