You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
