well you can't waste a boner
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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