you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
