somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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