never play flip cup with pint glasses
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
