I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
