she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
