shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
3 2 1 whiskey
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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