My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
