you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
