Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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