Having a random hookup so left but love u
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you inspire me to be a worse person
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
