I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
