It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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