I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
