no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
worst night to have a conscience
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize