That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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