I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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