they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
