Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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