I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
