He told me they were just razor bumps!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We have started to decorate penises.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
