Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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