I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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