i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
