How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize