gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
