K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
