good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
