Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
