how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize