I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
