somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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