She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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