Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize