you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
